People ask me. "What about gay adoptions? Interracial? Single Parent?" I say. "Hey fine, as long as it works for the child and the family is responsible." My big stand is this: Every child deserves a home and love. Period.

Dave Thomas.Founder of Wendy's


"To be ignorant of what happened before you were born is to be ever a child."- Cicero

Sealed records are a form of child abuse.--Sharon Kaplan, BSW, MS, "adoptive" mother, "Parenting Resources," Tustin, CA



Needing to connect to ones biology is so instinctive, that people when meeting your adoptive child will tell you, "Oh look! She has your smile" or "look, he has your beautiful hair," knowing full well that there is no biological connection, but sensing the importance that your child needs to know that they look like someone.
Open Adoptive Parent

"In all of us there is a hunger, narrow and deep, to know our heritage, to know who we are and where we have come from. Without this enriching knowledge, there is a hollow yearning. No matter what our attainments in life, there is a vacuum, an emptiness and a most disquieting loneliness!" - Alex Haley, Author


"Adoption Loss is the only trauma in the world where the victims are expected by the whole of society to be grateful" - The Reverend Keith C. Griffith, MBE

Sunday, September 21, 2008

My message to Troy Dunn (WE tv The Locator)

My message to Troy Dunn (WE tv The Locator)
Body:
Hello Troy,First, I would like to say I watch your show and cry just about every episode. I think I cry because the topic hits so close to home.You mention that you perform some searches at no charge. I think that is wonderful. I am assuming all the episodes that have aired must be the free searches because charging someone for these simple cases would be a shame.I am an adoption search angel who does not charge for services. To be honest, I could have done every one of those searches in less then a day. So far, your searches either start with a name or are in a state where online birth, marriage and/or divorce records are readily available.In last week's episode, the show implied you did some research in a courthouse. This search was in California so all you needed to do was to research the California fiche index to get the young man's amended name. You however said it was a "difficult find" when in fact this search was probably done in minutes.When I was on my own adoption search journey, I tried to hire private detectives several times. Like many, I did not possess the aptitude to know what to do with the information I had on my birth family. Seeking professional help seemed like the only option for me. Unfortunately, I was quoted exorbinate service fees that I could not afford. Therefore, my search dragged on for 13 long years. Once I did gain knowledge of how to conduct a search, I discovered all that needed to be done in my case was to conduct a simple, free online look up in the Social Security Death Index. I subsequently found my family within a week.It bothers me to the core that I lost 13 years with my wonderful family because of paid searchers who knew the simplicity of my case, yet still charged those high fees. If they would have been more ethical, I would have been able to reunite with my biological father before his death.The day I found my family was the day I vowed to help others at no charge. Since 2000, I have reunited thousands.As locators, we both know that the people that come to us for help think their particular situation is hopeless. They have no idea what to do with the information they were given or have obtained over the years. They are simply desperate. Most of our final results are the same, but are you really comfortable with making large sums of money from these people? Search Angels can not solve every case and maybe that is when someone like you could come into play. I am sure you have made a good living from your profession and this program is probably a great commercial for your business. I will never critcize anyone from making an honest living. I only want the work and fee to be just that, honest.Perhaps you should take on or air some of the more challenging searches that require you to truly utilize your vast resources and manpower. You might also let your viewers know that there is also really good free help out here.Please take care and be well.Sincerley,

Sunday, July 13, 2008

A little truth about searching

I ran across an interesting poem. It captures how searching for your birth family can easily consume you. I must admit, it happened to me.

Adoption and Reunion
© Bob

Adoption and reunion

The longer this goes.

The more research that I do.

The more I think about it.

The more I read blogs and forums.

The weirder I get.

Why?

My mind gets no break from it.

I don't do anything that brings me satisfaction and pride.

I accomplish nothing.

I am in my own world, and have effectively evicted everyone close to me from it.

The more I read and listen, the worse I feel about it, the bigger the problem becomes.

I think everyone is against me, except those on the forums and blogs that I visit.

I used to have a lover.......... a family.......... and friends.

Oh, for the joy and pride my spouse and children have brought me.

Those people used to make me feel whole.

Think back........... was it always this big of a problem?

No.

Did I really always feel this bad?

No.

Do I want adoption to have impacted this child this badly?

No.

What am I doing to myself?

What am I doing to those who love me?

How did those people I loved become so unimportant?

This isn't a result of adoption.

I am responsible.

I have created this.

Adoption and Reunion by Bob from http://www.familyfriendpoems.com/